Well...I am going to be venerable and that scares me a little....Not that I think I am a difficult person to figure out. For the most part if I'm feeling it you'll know it...sort of. I can sometimes cover up even from myself...but I know I can never hide from my heavenly father. Lately, I have been struggling...with several things. Things that are kind of rocking my faith and trust. Now I know that God can do all things, but then there's the big kicker....if it is His will. And then there's our free will to choose. Personally I always have a hard time with hormones when pregnant and this time is no exception. I am so thankful that God has been a part of my life for all the pregnancies and it has always been something controllable. But it really messes with my head, and staying real close to Jesus is a must. (not that it isn't always a must)
In other areas there are things that are bringing up so many things that I know I have dealt with, but there's always more to do......
So many times in my life things that should have been great moments in life were plagued with sadness...which I guess should not be surprising when we live in a sin fallen world where so many are blinded and given over to sin. If only they would see that life with the Savior is a far better choice then where they are now.
I guess I am asking for prayer...a clear head (with the irrational, emotional, hormonal thing going on), clear emotions, and a very clear picture of God's word, His promises, and everything that is true...that I not be distracted by the temporary chaos....
It's a weird place to be. I don't know that anyone around me would understand it, so it makes it hard to to talk about and even when I do I'm not sure it's understood. Things are really not terrible. Their are different things going on right now that are troubling and I am praying for.....but it shouldn't be enough to make me feel the way I am feeling. I know that a lot of it is irrational and not clear....like my emotions are not something I can control right now. I really don't like this feeling...sometimes I feel like crying, other times like hiding....oh....just weird! I am thankful that I am aware of it and that I can take it to God....it just might be one of those thorns that He is not going to remove right now and I just need to keep pressing into Him....
1 comment:
Mari I'll be praying for you. I just read this post today and I was dealing with my emotions with God today too. I don't know how you are feeling exactly but I know how hormones can play a major role in struggles we have. All I can say is just try to stay in His Word and hang on to Jesus just like you said. You know, it's just a thought that may not hold much weight, but it's funny how pregnancy can be such a tough time so often. I wonder if part of it is to cause us to draw closer to Him so our love will be multiplied to ready us for the new little one to come. Trials have a way of forcing us to cling to Him, even if it is just the hor-mon-ez (My Big Fat Greek Wedding):)
Anyways, have a blessed night, I'm praying for you!
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